Thursday, February 24, 2011

All Buns on Deck

In a spark of genius, I have created an alternative toilet contraption that allows the user to sit on a toilet and poo into a plastic grocery bag with no need for water. All you need is some cardboard, saran wrap and a bit of tape. Thomas Crapper might have his crapper, but I lay claim to the poozer.

The Poozer: Directions and Pretty Pictures

Step 1. Select a choice piece of cardboard

Note: You want a solid and unbent piece of carboard capable of holding 2-3 lbs of raw material. Boxboard is not recommended.

Step 2. Cut the cardboard to size so that it can provide a solid barrier to prevent any raw material from reaching the water.

Step 3. Saran wrap your cardboard to prevent it from absorbing any potential wetness.

Step 4. Insert the wrapped cardboard into the toilet. See the picture below.



















Step 5. Find a plastic shopping bag (Note: Do not use a paper bag.) and insert it into the toilet with edge of the bag in contact with the outer seat.

Step 6. Tape the bag in order to secure it into position.




















Step 7. Poo to your heart's content. Depending on how deep your cardboard is...you might have to use a little technique to prevent poo glancing your butt cheek. After my first experience, I declared myself Lord of the Ring. (Wordy: Oh yes, folks, I have a PhD.)(Rockey: Wordy mocks me now, but guess who was number two to do number two?)

Step 8. After pooing and wiping, untape the bag and tie. A crucial move is to not tie the bag up and then wipe.

Step 9. Throw the bag away in a lined and sealed container.

Step 10. Rejoice that you successfully pooped in a bag.

Warning: The Poozer is not designed for number 1. Stay tuned for the Peezer.
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12 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 24, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    You missed your calling of "Poo engineer".

    ReplyDelete
  2. JonasFebruary 24, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    Brilliant!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 24, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    Patent Pending?

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 24, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    What most people don't know is that part of getting a science Ph.D. is learning how to make do when your instrumentation isn't working correctly (and dealing with poo from weird French post-docs, but that is probably not the norm). Have you told your new neighbor friends about this?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rocky, Wordy and The SquiddFebruary 24, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    I (for one) think that the poozer is revolutionary. Especially when you are not allowed to flush your toilet. I (for one, again) prefer more than squatting on a bucket.

    May be I should forward this to the news station?

    Or is my revolutionary vision cloudy?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rocky, Wordy and The SquiddFebruary 24, 2011 at 5:52 PM

    Oh yeah...this is patent pending and copyrighted all to heck.

    ReplyDelete
  7. zoomerangFebruary 24, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    How cleverly you encoded your moniker in the concraption. Perhaps, in deference to your #1, the next invention should be called the pizur.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Trojan momFebruary 24, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    This is ingenious. Yes, this is definitely PhD worthy. Isn't there a saying? "Necessity is the mother of invention"? Can't wait to see the peezer!

    ReplyDelete
  9. sheilaFebruary 25, 2011 at 4:10 AM

    It's absolutely craptastic!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oodles and Oodles of O'sFebruary 25, 2011 at 5:43 AM

    I can only think how this is going to affect the Squiddster's potty training. Now every time he sees a plastic bag, he sees a potential potty. Heaven forbid he needs to doodle while you are at the checkout counter at the supermarket...

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousFebruary 25, 2011 at 6:50 AM

    WAY TO GO!!!!! POULSBO POOZERS

    ReplyDelete
  12. TamiFebruary 25, 2011 at 7:01 AM

    "Paper or plastic today, sir?"
    "Plastic. Definitely plastic. "

    ReplyDelete

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