One Year

As of last Thursday Rocky, The Squidd, and I have been expats for an entire year. Like so many other spans in time I've experienced as an adult, it's hard to believe it's been that long and similarly amazing that the time has passed so quickly. Of course, a milestone such as this one calls for all sorts of reflection--indeed, it's all but impossible to avoid even with effort. Helps that I'm of a naturally nostalgic, introspective sort, but that's beside the point.

A few days after the last big earthquake (February 22), we hurriedly packed our bags and hopped on a plane headed east. Things were OK here but still far from ideal. Rocky's work was shut down for a few weeks, and Air New Zealand was offering compassionate fares to and from Christchurch ($800 R/T to Los Angeles vs. $2200). So we jumped at the chance to see our family for relatively next to nothing.

I read a blog the other day that basically said the problem with going home is that you become aware of all the things you gave up in order to move. For expats, or at least for this expat, home is two concepts, really. Home being the United States. And home being where my family is--where I grew up. And just as that insightful blogger said, our spur-of-the-moment trip in February (as well as our Christmas/New Year trip a few months earlier) did crystallize for me the many things we've given up to pursue this international adventure.

In terms of the States in general, I find myself missing for The Squidd's sake things that never really raised a conscious thought for me before. Memorizing the pledge of allegiance and the National Anthem at school. Going to baseball games and eating crappy, expensive food (have I mentioned that I find baseball unutterably boring?). Learning our cultural touchpoints as he grows up, like the fact that Target is so way cooler than Wal-Mart or Kmart can ever hope to be. Because despite all the weirdness going on in America and all the problems and worries that plague Americans, he still is an American and I want him to know what that means and be proud of that fact.

Other things I miss about the U.S.? A lot of it is the superficial stuff that others might point to as part of the problem with our country: central heating, window screens, readily available and reasonably priced quality food (esp. organics), the ability to find (and buy) any product I want or need for a reasonable price. But I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't give my eye teeth to have a Whole Foods around the corner or an Amazon-like retailer online. Compared to many, I'm not much of a shopper and don't usually covet a lot of things. But living in a small island nation where everything is grotesquely expensive, I've become obsessed with shopping back home. I make lists of the things I want (and claim to need) and the stores I want to hit when I'm home visiting. Case in point: the potty chair I wanted for The Squidd costs $19 in the U.S. Here in NZ it's a cool $89. Seriously.

In terms of the the things I miss about home home, the biggie is family. I miss having a built-in village to help us raise our kid, but more than that, it breaks my heart that The Squidd won't get the chance to grow up seeing his family on a regular basis. Especially his cousins, who are only 9 days older than him. Now that he's older and more aware, it was fun to see The Squidd getting to know and appreciate his extended family. It was fun to see them interact in unique ways based on their personalities. We do our best to talk to him about his various family members, and Skype goes a long way toward bridging the distance, but I know it's not the same for him or for them. Or for me.

 

I miss my old friends. I regret that our littlies aren't growing up together either, thinking of each other more as cousins than as kids of their mom's friends.

But lest you think we're miserable here, we do see quite clearly the things we have gained with this move. At the top of the list . . .

Almost everywhere we've lived, we've felt caught up in the frenzy of doing more and having more and achieving more. Here, the attitude feels different. Folks take pride in their work, but the work-life balance seems to come more naturally and even feels like a part of the culture. For instance, the morning and afternoon tea breaks. For 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon, it seems as if everyone takes a quick break. Even construction workers and housekeepers. The whole of the country cuts out, en mass, to catch their breath and decompress twice daily. So lovely. In more personal terms, this ease with work-life balance means even though Rocky is working full-time, his workload is such that he still gets quality time with his son every day. He has have breakfast with The Squidd and me every morning and is usually home no later than 5:pm so he can have dinner and play with The Squidd for a few hours before bedtime. At his previous job in the U.S., this simply wouldn’t have been possible.

Also part of the culture, seemingly, is an overall appreciation for and acceptance of kids. In the U.S., I always felt as if kids, especially young kids, were tolerated by most but not necessarily welcomed. I'm talking about restaurants and shops and public places. Here, babies and toddlers seem universally loved. Parking lots have special parking spaces for expectant or new moms. There are special lounges at airports, shopping malls, etc., for moms to nurse, change nappies, heat bottles, and safely contain mobile children so they themselves can pee without also contending with a squirming kid. Our Christchurch City Council provides abundant parks and recreation opportunities for adults and kids, and we simply pay as we drop in. So in a given week, The Squidd and I usually hit our local library, go swimming ($3 for the two of us), go to a little gym class ($3.10 for the two of us), run around the parks, and shop and play at our local farmers' markets. All places of business have a box of toys to entertain littlies, and more often than not there’s also a safe, gated-off area with toys to climb and jump on. Case in point: the car dealerships, hardware stores, pharmacies.

A byproduct of the expense of commodities here is the resourcefulness of kiwis. Everyone seems incredibly handy and capable of fixing or inventing what is necessary without a lot of drama. The 'reuse' part of 'reduce, reuse, recycle' seems to resonate especially here, where everyone, including the urgent care clinics finds new use for handy items like plastic yogurt and ice cream containers. Children play outside instead of blubbing out in front of the TV or computer. Actually playing! I see hordes of them racing around the neighborhoods on their bikes or razor scooters, swinging on rope swings, pretending to fish in the rivers and ponds. Climbing trees. Building forts. Compare this to Southern California, for instance, where the only folks I see outside on a beautiful day are hired gardeners or people getting into or out of cars.

At the end of the day, what all of these things (and others) are giving us is a better quality of life as a family trying to figure it all out. In the States, we both had to work full-time in order to make our lifestyle possible. Luckily, we didn’t have to make many of the hard decisions new parents make because Rocky was on sabbatical and able to watch the kid after my maternity leave ended. It was perfect, really, but neither of us was under any illusion that the hard choices were coming. Many daycares had waiting lists of over 18 months and cost several thousand dollars a month. I liked my job, though, and wanted to keep working, so I’m not really sure what we would’ve done in the end.

The jury is still out on our opinion of life abroad. Sure, we miss the U.S.; we miss our family. But for right now, things are good. Here's looking forward to the coming year.